Comments for Reinventing Life at 64 http://www.reinventing64.com Happily Ever After Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:41:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Narcissistic Scapegoating:You Can Never Leave by Pamela Picard http://www.reinventing64.com/2010/05/narcissistic-scapegoatingyou-can-never-leave-2/#comment-2528 Pamela Picard Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:41:55 +0000 http://reinventing64.wordpress.com/2010/05/29/narcissistic-scapegoatingyou-can-never-leave#comment-2528 I understand. It's doubly painful to have been the apple of mother's eye, then be relegated to the role of nanny to the child who is displacing you. It's painful to live within the orb of a narcissistic mother and painful to detach. Insult to injury, in protecting our vulnerability, we lose our connection with siblings who are important to us. The set-up is so dysfunctional in this kind of family dynamic, there's just no way we can win. Damned if we do. Damned if we don't. I finally began to feel okay - no longer frustrated - when I accepted this. Thanks for sharing your story. I understand. It’s doubly painful to have been the apple of mother’s eye, then be relegated to the role of nanny to the child who is displacing you. It’s painful to live within the orb of a narcissistic mother and painful to detach. Insult to injury, in protecting our vulnerability, we lose our connection with siblings who are important to us. The set-up is so dysfunctional in this kind of family dynamic, there’s just no way we can win. Damned if we do. Damned if we don’t. I finally began to feel okay – no longer frustrated – when I accepted this.

Thanks for sharing your story.

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Scapegoating:You Can Never Leave by Sarah http://www.reinventing64.com/2010/05/narcissistic-scapegoatingyou-can-never-leave-2/#comment-2526 Sarah Mon, 13 Feb 2012 19:46:17 +0000 http://reinventing64.wordpress.com/2010/05/29/narcissistic-scapegoatingyou-can-never-leave#comment-2526 My family dynamics are somewhat more complicated. I started off as somewhat of a golden child although I have an older brother who I would also describe as the same. My parents divorced when I was around 8. My parents had 3 children, me my older brother and my younger brother, all 18 months apart. My mother decided she didn't like me quite as much after my dad left. She constantly reminded me that I looked and acted like my father who she hated. She did everything she could to turn us against him. It worked with my brothers but not so much with me. As I got older I became to understand her true colours. She remarried someone who was 10 years younger than her when I was 14 and he had 2 boys under 5 years old from a previous marriage. Their mother died of cancer so they had the extreme misfortune of inheriting my mother as their mother too. She treated them like unwanted pets and her new husband seemed completely happy with it since he spent most of his time working for her while be abused drugs and alcohol. To this day she talks about him as if he is some kind of genius. She got pregnant with him when I was 13 and (within one month of knowing him) my sister was born when i was 14. Shortly after she got pregnant again and had a boy who is the youngest in our family. My position as golden child was quickly replaced by my new sister and brother. I am 40 now and to this day my half sister continues to play the role of golden child along with my youngest half brother despite the fact my sister smokes crack and drinks excessively. At 26 years old she is still living with my mother! My youngest brother is a follower and not the smartest kid around. As a teenager was I made to handle most adult responsibilities within the household mainly involving the bulk of the child care while my mother visited her friends usually for the entire day and while her new husband worked construction overtime. My mother removed me from school to use me for free childcare within the home. After a few years of this I left home to live with my father so I could finish school in a peaceful setting. This launched a war between her and my father resulting in my constant placement back and forth from my mothers to my fathers until I refused to return with my mother. As my youngest half siblings became older it became evident to me that they were treated much differently than me.... More praise, nicer clothes, toys jewelry etc... despite the fact my mother bankrupted the family with her obsene spending habits. Necessities were Xmas gifts for the rest of the children while she spent thousands on herself and her 2 golden children. When I met my husband at 25 my mothers attitude towards me became more unbearable. She gossiped about him with my brothers in a desperate attempt to assassinate his character. My husband is more financially and socially successful than any person she has or will ever know. She even went so far as to call him a thief. I found it quite hilarious and much to my amusement when she told family members that he had stolen a DVD movie from her home while we were visiting there,( Stuart little). This came back to me through my father who my brother mistakingly shared this info with. She was confronted by my husband with this info and of course denied ever saying it. Eventually the gossiping and backstabbing became so intolerable that I was forced to cut her out of my life. My siblings no longer contact me and both my full brothers have cut off my father since I've done this. speaking to me would result in severe pinishment from my mother.... Controller of their universe. I no longer have to deal with my mothers outbursts, snide remarks, insults, gossip, put downs and constant comparisons to my sister who is 14 years younger than me with a serious drug problem! I don't have to listen to her talk about how horrible my dad is and how she would kill him if she could get away with it. She has said this to me several times throughout my life and of course denies every saying it. I don't have to wonder if she'll just show up at my house unexpectedly. I don't have to wait for her to show up half a day late when she says she will be here at a specific time. I don't have to stand next to her which I found physically exhausting almost as if her negativity would enter my body just from getting too close to her. Above all her toxic behavior will never influence or be a part of my 6 yr old daughters life. She can say whatever she wants about me to anyone who will listen because those people are just desperate losers who refuse to clearly see the truth about her. It's great to be the outcast within a party of fools with no self worth. I find talking about it with others quite healing however most people have a very hard time understanding how someone can be devoid of any positive feelings for their mother. I wish I knew more people in the same situation I could talk to. I miss having a relationship with my siblings but I've come to realize that it clearly was not bringing me much happiness either. There was no trust as long they have my narcissistic mother influencing the way they conduct their lives. My family dynamics are somewhat more complicated. I started off as somewhat of a golden child although I have an older brother who I would also describe as the same. My parents divorced when I was around 8. My parents had 3 children, me my older brother and my younger brother, all 18 months apart. My mother decided she didn’t like me quite as much after my dad left. She constantly reminded me that I looked and acted like my father who she hated. She did everything she could to turn us against him. It worked with my brothers but not so much with me. As I got older I became to understand her true colours. She remarried someone who was 10 years younger than her when I was 14 and he had 2 boys under 5 years old from a previous marriage. Their mother died of cancer so they had the extreme misfortune of inheriting my mother as their mother too. She treated them like unwanted pets and her new husband seemed completely happy with it since he spent most of his time working for her while be abused drugs and alcohol. To this day she talks about him as if he is some kind of genius. She got pregnant with him when I was 13 and (within one month of knowing him) my sister was born when i was 14. Shortly after she got pregnant again and had a boy who is the youngest in our family. My position as golden child was quickly replaced by my new sister and brother. I am 40 now and to this day my half sister continues to play the role of golden child along with my youngest half brother despite the fact my sister smokes crack and drinks excessively. At 26 years old she is still living with my mother! My youngest brother is a follower and not the smartest kid around. As a teenager was I made to handle most adult responsibilities within the household mainly involving the bulk of the child care while my mother visited her friends usually for the entire day and while her new husband worked construction overtime. My mother removed me from school to use me for free childcare within the home. After a few years of this I left home to live with my father so I could finish school in a peaceful setting. This launched a war between her and my father resulting in my constant placement back and forth from my mothers to my fathers until I refused to return with my mother. As my youngest half siblings became older it became evident to me that they were treated much differently than me…. More praise, nicer clothes, toys jewelry etc… despite the fact my mother bankrupted the family with her obsene spending habits. Necessities were Xmas gifts for the rest of the children while she spent thousands on herself and her 2 golden children.
When I met my husband at 25 my mothers attitude towards me became more unbearable. She gossiped about him with my brothers in a desperate attempt to assassinate his character. My husband is more financially and socially successful than any person she has or will ever know. She even went so far as to call him a thief. I found it quite hilarious and much to my amusement when she told family members that he had stolen a DVD movie from her home while we were visiting there,( Stuart little). This came back to me through my father who my brother mistakingly shared this info with. She was confronted by my husband with this info and of course denied ever saying it. Eventually the gossiping and backstabbing became so intolerable that I was forced to cut her out of my life. My siblings no longer contact me and both my full brothers have cut off my father since I’ve done this. speaking to me would result in severe pinishment from my mother…. Controller of their universe.
I no longer have to deal with my mothers outbursts, snide remarks, insults, gossip, put downs and constant comparisons to my sister who is 14 years younger than me with a serious drug problem! I don’t have to listen to her talk about how horrible my dad is and how she would kill him if she could get away with it. She has said this to me several times throughout my life and of course denies every saying it. I don’t have to wonder if she’ll just show up at my house unexpectedly. I don’t have to wait for her to show up half a day late when she says she will be here at a specific time. I don’t have to stand next to her which I found physically exhausting almost as if her negativity would enter my body just from getting too close to her. Above all her toxic behavior will never influence or be a part of my 6 yr old daughters life. She can say whatever she wants about me to anyone who will listen because those people are just desperate losers who refuse to clearly see the truth about her. It’s great to be the outcast within a party of fools with no self worth.
I find talking about it with others quite healing however most people have a very hard time understanding how someone can be devoid of any positive feelings for their mother. I wish I knew more people in the same situation I could talk to. I miss having a relationship with my siblings but I’ve come to realize that it clearly was not bringing me much happiness either. There was no trust as long they have my narcissistic mother influencing the way they conduct their lives.

]]> Comment on A Prayer at Candlemas by Six More Weeks of Winter | Reinventing Life at 64 http://www.reinventing64.com/2011/02/a-prayer-at-candlemas/#comment-2439 Six More Weeks of Winter | Reinventing Life at 64 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:31:50 +0000 http://www.reinventing64.com/?p=3979#comment-2439 [...] year, Texas faced Candlemas, the day that celebrates the return of the sun, in snow. This year, it’s downright warm with [...] [...] year, Texas faced Candlemas, the day that celebrates the return of the sun, in snow. This year, it’s downright warm with [...]

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