Hello, I am Pamela Picard. I began writing this blog in the Fall of 2009.
My life was in ruins. My relationship of 10 years was in failure. The e-commerce business that I’d birthed from the ashes of the dot-com melt down was on life support. My 12 year old standard poodle was dying.
I was shattered.
It’s not supposed to be like this. People are not supposed to be starting over at age 64. We are supposed to be settled, stable, comfortable. Life partners are not supposed to be separating at age 64. We’re supposed to be holding each other more closely and supporting each other through the vicissitudes of aging. Dogs almost always die before their humans. Still mine is a little boy in a poodle suit and my only child. His loss feels unbearable.
Why was this happening?
I am an intelligent, resourceful and inventive woman. I have developed myself. I’ve been therapied, 12 stepped and est’d. I’ve survived loss, crisis and change many times. Indeed, career resilience is one of my greatest strengths. I had a spiritual foundation. I had the knowledge and skills to consciously manifest the life of my dreams. And yet my livelihood and life had raveled like a cheap sweater.
In hindsight, in this unraveling, shattering ruin of the life I was living, my soul called for healing.
For 30 years, I’d consciously changed communications fields, contracted and lost clients, changed geography and changed partners. Through it all, I denied, ignored and dismissed the fundamental emotional patterns that were driving my life. I rearranged deck chairs on the Titanic. As a result, I continued to experience the same humiliating defeats.
Unless I wanted more of the same, which I do not, I was going to have to effect this change from the inside out.
As Gary Zukov, author of “The Seat of the Soul” puts it, “spiritual growth begins with emotional awareness.”
I didn’t know where to begin. So I turned to my first love – writing.
I’ve kept a journal for 40 years. There’s tremendous power in written reflection. Publishing a blog would be the “throat clearing” – or “heart clearing” – that makes way for a break through in initiative and direction.
“Neither the hair shirt nor the soft path will do. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep goodness and the world’s deep hunger meet,” says Frederick Buechner, an American writer and theologian.
For the first time in my life, I am all ears. If not now, when?
Sharing my private thoughts in a public forum is another matter.
I’m not a coach. I’m not a teacher. The process of recovering self esteem and reinventing livelihood can be messy and painful. I don’t always look good. I’m not always right. Being emotionally nekkid to the world could get my ass kicked metaphorically speaking. I’m sensitive – over-sensitive – to criticism.
I’m willing to be vulnerable through this process to help other people who are blocked. Who live in a state of dull pain and misery. Who stay in a job, a relationship, a place, an addiction, for fear of change. Who live life half hearted, burned out and numb until something inside breaks and cries out.
Take heart. You are not alone. You can do it!
So if you read or hear something that resonates, that wakes you, inspires you or brings peace to your soul, leave a comment, let me know and stay tuned. If you don’t like what you read, keep surfing, dude.
As Andy Warhol sagely noted, “In the future, everybody will be famous for 15 minutes.”
Tick Tock. My turn. Starting over. Starting now.
Consulting Services: http://www.pamela-picard.com