Yesterday I was looking for a theme in the musings on this blog.
My only purpose at the outset was to let my writing take me where it will, for once in my life to do what I deeply and truly love and see what comes of it. It’s for me. It’s about me. It’s by me. If it scatters or back tracks, so it goes. If it is helpful to people with the patience to read it, all the better.
I have felt at times that there was a theme emerging, a sense of purpose. a-HA! Here’s how I can help. Here’s how I can contribute. Here’s my calling. At other times, it’s like a work of art that’s of no particular genre and never gets done. Is that a metaphor for the unexamined life?
Make the unconscious conscious. Express, process and release self limiting beliefs. Reinvent Pam Picard yet one more time. We don’t become another person. We become a greater version of ourselves.
What does Little Pam have in common with Pamela?
What does Sally Super Stewardess have in common with Ms. Picard Business Television Producer?
The professional persona was a series of guises I wore to survive. Underneath was this totally irrepressible, completely outrageous, 100% engaging, blithe spirit with the attention span of a butterfly and the same sense of grace – to taste the manifold experience of life in physical form without being touched by them.
Hello, Puella Aeternus, The Eternal Girl.
“Puella is the eternal girl, an aspect of the psyche that has been virtually ignored in the Jungian literature. She appears in the Western attitudes to be ever younger and thinner, devalued and stuck in the shadow of the patriarchy. Living ‘as if’, she is bolstered by persona adaptation…” ~SE Schwartz – International Journal of Jungian Studies, 2009 – informaworld.com
Ironically, this is an archetype that has only just come to me. I was never aware there was a feminine counterpart to Peur Aeternus, The Eternal Boy. No fucking wonder I attract Peter Pan. I am Peter Pam.
(Inner Child snickers: “took you long enough.”)
I want this lively part of me to come to the fore. I look in the mirror and see my grandmother, but I am not my grandmother, I am not anybody’s grandmother. In my soul I am the Eternal Girl. Mischievous. Merry. Holly go lightly through the world.
(with her eyes which like two elves
incredibly amuse themselves)
This is the animating spirit in my life. This is the part of me that is revealing herself – in words, music, poems, magic. How does one be both the Eternal Girl and the Crone? Are these but dimensions of one, each playing out its time in its season?
We age. We never grow old. Our bodies droop. We have zero gravity within our soul. All guises. All roles. All parts we play on the stage of our lives at every stage. Integrate. Synthesize. Synergy. Both Pam and Pamela As though a name change could capture the dynamism which I sense.
None of them are real. None of them are who we are. They’re suits of clothes, personalities we wear for a while and discard.
I’ll be the husband. You be the wife. I’ll be the doctor. You be the nurse. I’ll be the cop. You be the robber. I’ll be the mommy. You be the daddy.
It’s only make believe.
We suffer when we take ourselves too seriously. And then I take myself too seriously.
I quickly read enough on the subject from a psychology text to become very uncomfortable.
The concept of the “as if’ personality, a grouping of elements that form a particular kind of defense of the self is identified in certain patients with an exceptional capacity for creative engagement in the world, surpassing expectations given their background. The picture includes the presence of physical breakdown and illness, as psychic suffering arising from early narcissistic wounding and from a physical, emotional and/or sexual abusive familial environment, was held for too long in bodily memory but not in mind. A distinction is made between the ‘as if’ personality, the persona and the false self.
Every word resonated through me, telling my life story in a snapshot of a Jungian archetype that is largely ignored.